Have you ever been working at something for so long that you felt like you would never reach the end? Maybe it feels like you’re putting in work for nothing. Maybe it feels like giving up would be the easiest thing to do. And you almost do give up. But something keeps pulling you back to it. You’ve held onto this dream for so long that it’s become a part of you.
That’s been my relationship with writing—publishing to be exact.
It’s been fourteen years since I first seriously started pursuing the dream of being a published author. That’s almost half my life. And when you’ve been working at something for that long, it becomes part of your identity. Writing has been the backbone of my life, so I was determined to succeed no matter how long it took.
We began on metaphor and myth—interrupted by a rush of wind which came so suddenly on the still, warm evening and sent so many leaves pattering down that we thought it was raining. We all held our breath, the other two appreciating the ecstasy of such a thing almost as you would. We continued (in my room) on Christianity: a good long satisfying talk in which I learned a lot: then discussed the difference between love and friendship—then finally drifted back to poetry and books.
Taking the First Step
Humidity clung to my skin. Spanish moss dangled from tree limbs. And eagerness filled my limbs as I trekked across the grounds with my dinosaur of a Dell clutched to my chest. This was my first-ever writers conference—in beautiful, sunny Florida, no less—and I was on Cloud 9.
I experienced a lot of firsts at that conference. Flying across the country by myself. Being critiqued by peers and a professional (I still feel that sting from time to time . . . it’s fine, I’m fine). Meeting with a real-deal literary agent.
Okay, technically, that last one happened at my second year at the conference, but the two have kind of blended together at this point.
The first year, I was scared stiff. The second year, I was still scared stiff, but after observing the other conference attendees, it seemed like meeting with agents was the writerly thing to do. So, not having a clue what I was doing, I signed up for an agent appointment.
Wringing my sweaty hands, I pitched my project, probably stumbled a bit. And she asked to see my manuscript! The only problem? It wasn’t done yet. All right, cool. No problem. It took me three months to finish the manuscript (I’m still appalled I let myself take that long), but after putting on the finishing touches, I hit send. I was on my way to getting representation.
My mind raced with those huge dreams I mentioned earlier, dreams of being published as a teenager and becoming a famous bestseller.
And then came the rejection.
Um, what now?
In hindsight, it’s not surprising at all. But to my 17-year-old self—soul. crushing. failure.
Honing the Craft
Let’s back up a bit. Even though I was 16 when I first went to a writers conference, I’d been writing for several years before that. My dad subscribed to an Xbox magazine that came with demos every month, and one such game inspired me to create a character (once a nerd, always a nerd). And naturally, I needed to write a story to go along with that character. That lit the fire.
I wrote every chance I could get. At school, I had a tight group of friends that I would exchange notebooks with every day so we could each read what the other had written. (My productivity went way down after graduation.) So by the time I was ready for a conference, I already had a couple of notebooks filled with stories (which are definitely never going to see the light of day). And even after the conference, I kept filling notebooks.
You know that concept from Malcolm Gladwell where if you practice something for 10,000 hours, you’ll become an expert? Well, I did the math (okay, not all of the math—because English majors + math = confusion), and I’m pretty sure I’ve surpassed that quota. I mean, I just blinked and suddenly realized I’ve been working at this thing for 14 years. But am I an expert? I’m pretty sure I know what I’m doing at this point, but there’s still a lot yet to learn. I’m not sure if we ever reach the moment of expert-ness.
All that to say—dreams take hard work. They’re not just going to fall into your lap if you hope for them hard enough (I love Disney, but “wish upon a star” doesn’t apply here). Sure, there’s the odd big break that happens once in a while, but it’s not the norm. Most of the time, you work and work and work and then “all of a sudden” you’re a success. But actually, that success is just a result of all of that hard work.
That should be an encouragement—your dreams are up to you!
Pursuing the Dream
So, let’s get back to that rejection. I responded to the agent and asked her what I could work on for the next time I submit the manuscript (which maybe isn’t what writers are supposed to do, but I plead teenage ignorance). She graciously replied and offered a couple pointers.
I actually kept that email. In fact, I look at it from time to time. What had been a disappointing event at one point in my life turned into the motivation I needed to keep going.
And I’m glad I did. In October 2020, I signed my first publishing contract with Mountain Brook Ink—slated for a November 2021 release! (*cue happy dance*)
Even though I’m in the midst of fulfilling my dream right now, it isn’t happening how I imagined it would, and I have a hunch that that’s more common than we realize. I think we can create such an extravagant image of our dreams that we could miss opportunities because we don’t think those opportunities live up to what we fabricated in our heads (I’m super guilty of that). That’s not to say you should just jump at any chance willy-nilly either. Of course, do your research. Put in the due diligence to make sure it’s the right path for you.
In all of this, I had been so laser focused, so sure that it would happen in a super specific way, that when the perfect opportunity came along, I had a hard time wrapping my head around it. I was almost in denial, actually. Which might sound weird. It was my dream, wasn’t it? Well, yeah, but the skeptic in me always reserves a healthy dose of doubt. (Update: I have since pulled myself out of the denial phase and am in full freak-out phase—soon to be in the writing-frenzy phase.)
So, this is my journey so far. It’s all unknown territory from here. And I’m super stoked to see where it goes!
What journey are you on? Maybe you’re just getting started. Maybe you’ve been walking this road for years without any progress. Or maybe you’ve just discovered a new opportunity. Wherever you are, keep at it—no matter what happens. That tug you feel—that overwhelming desire to accomplish this dream? That’s not just a coincidence. Because I believe we’re all given a purpose. Writing is mine, and I want you to find and pursue yours!
